What You Missed if You Didn't Watch The Community Shield

The 2009 FA Community Shield Match was sponsored by McDonald's whose ads were everywhere telling us how much they support football in the community. What their ads don't say is they simultaneously destroy football in the community by making their awful food available to consumers.

Manchester United's first goal was simultaneously a clinic in the effectiveness and ineffectiveness of teamwork....Effective: A great pass from Darren Fletcher combined with Patrice Evra making a fantastic run to draw off the defender allow Nani the space to get off a nice shot. Ineffective: John Terry inexplicably backing toward Petr Cech as Nani shot, screening his goalkeeper. So, in the 9th minute, Man United fans everywhere are thinking Nani may finally step up and fill the role left empty by Ronaldo's departure...remember that.

Ben Foster did little to inspire confidence and faith in the United supporters. While he wasn't awful, he made some ball control blunders and botched a couple clearances. No doubt millions of Asians are already anxiously awaiting the return of Edwin Van de Sar.

It never gets old watching Ashley Cole fall down, lose his footing or inexplicably let the ball roll past him out of bounds.

Richard Carvalho's equalizer for Chelsea early in the second half was the direct effect of Foster and Didier Drogba simulating a car crash...with the two of them acting as the cars.

New boy Antonio Valencia comes on for Nani, who is using his shirt as a make shift sling...reports are he has a dislocated shoulder. So much for Nani being the replacement for Ronaldo just yet.

The Controversy...

66th minute: Michael Ballack and Michael Essien collide and Ballack stays down. Referee stops the match.

70th minute: Ballack shoulders Evra in the face, who goes to ground from the blow. Any NHL player or fan would be proud of this body check. It was a blatant foul and deserved a yellow card. Referee DOES NOT stop the match, awards no foul or card.

71st minute: With Evra down, Drogba hits Lampard in space who buries a shot past Foster. United players rightfully protest to referee Chris Foy who will probably have a meeting with his bosses to remind him that body checks are not acceptable in football.

Dimitar Berbatov is substituted off in the 74th minute...no one realized he was even on the pitch until that moment. Who subbed in you ask? Some guy named Michael Owen...I hear he gets hurt a lot.

Evra is booked for a blatant revenge tackle on Michael Ballack in the 78th minute..."WELL DONE PATRICE" is what I shouted at my television. Ballack deserved that one and while Foy had to give a card, he really shouldn't have.

When is the last time a revenge tackle occurred in a Charity/Community Shield match?

Nothing special really happens for the next 12 minutes...3 minutes of stoppage time.

Just when you thought Chelsea was ready to raise the giant dinner tray, Ryan Giggs plays a fantastic ball thru to Wayne Rooney who pushes the ball past the floundering Cech and ties up the match at 2-2. Man United fans once again celebrate thanks to their favorite Shrek impersonator.

No extra time, straight to penalty kicks...

Lampard scores easily, Giggs kicks the ball straight into Cech's feet. 1-0 to Chelsea.

Ballack beats Foster to the top right corner, Carrick scores as well. 2-1 to Chelsea.

Drogba smashes his PK home and here comes Patrice Evra who does his best Jeff Cunningham impersonation and kicks the slowest moving shot that Cech saved while checking his BlackBerry at the same time. 3-1 to Chelsea.

Kalou easily beats Foster and seals the victory for Chelsea, 4-1 on PKs.

Alex Ferguson takes Chris Foy to task for his no-call on the Ballack shoulder check on Evra.

The Blues celebrate as if they've won the Premier League

Easily the most entertaining Community Shield match I've ever seen. My excitement is turned up to 11 for the new season...which begins on Saturday!